May 8

Five Terrible Diving Movies

By Trevor Sanford

Trevor came to diving late after getting a job at a scuba training agency. He is a Master Scuba Diver and Tec Deep diver with an interest in Sidemount. Having dived in European Fresh water, the Mediterranean, Egypt and the Redsea he particularly loves Dahab. Next up on his to do list will be Trimix, Rebreathers and exploring more mountain lakes.

 

We've probably all seen some great diving movies, or at least ones that feature underwater action. If you haven’t, or you’re looking for more underwater entertainment, check out our top 7 diving movies. On the other hand, maybe you (like me) enjoy watching terrible movies — ironically of course. During my time at college, apart from assiduously studying, (better mention that just in case my mom reads this) I spent many hours watching programs like Mystery Science Theater 3000, which left me with a lasting urge to watch terrible movies.

So after much dedicated and, at times, strenuous, viewing here are five truly terrible underwater movies that combine bad acting, terrible CGI and more plot holes than a colander.

Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus
It turns out this movie is the first in a trilogy, and trilogies are usually great aren't they? The answer is no, and in fact I began to wonder how they got funded for two additional movies. This movie revolves around the eponymous shark and octopus, who begin battling each other after they’re released from a glacier. The action also involves the destruction of various ships and airliners — yes that’s right — a shark eats an airliner flying at altitude. The remaining plot involves a team of scientists trying to lure the monsters to their destruction via the U.S. and Japanese navies. There’s also a terrible love story angle between two of the scientists. One of the lead actors is Lorenzo Lamas, who also starred (maybe starred is too strong a word) in Renegade, a series about a bounty hunter. His other credits include mid-80s faves Falcon Crest and the Bold and The Beautiful. Which, come to think of it, may still be on TV.


Mega Shark Versus Crocosaurus
We all saw this sequel coming, didn't we? This movie seems to have a slightly bigger budget in terms or CGI — only slightly though. The surprise is that the shark did not die (sorry for the spoiler) and he’s back, this time behaving pretty much the same way in terms of attacking ships that seem to be archival footage or CGI of long-decommissioned U.S. battleships. Again we see a cast of 80s and 90s minor TV players and the script is delightfully terrible.

 

Mega Shark versus Mecha Shark
Here it is, final installment of the Mega Shark series. Either the first two films were sleeper successes or someone invested too much money, as this time around the CGI is even better. One of the leads from the first movie is back, as is the shark, who’s still got a taste for ships and planes. This time, though, the government has a secret weapon — a mechanized monster shark! I suggest popping some popcorn, making some drinks and settling down for a Mega Shark trilogy night. The only question is whether or not you’ll make it to the end.

 

Poseidon Rex
Love dinosaurs? Love being underwater? Then surely you'll love Poseidon Rex? No? I spent most of the first part of the film picking apart the poor diving, dangling equipment and poor trim — did they really do a deep dive on one tank and no deco? There is also an unresponsive diver on the surface, and I couldn't help but wonder if they should have taken a Rescue Diver course before filming. The story revolves around an island off Belize where divers looking for gold awaken an underwater T-Rex, which then goes on a bloody killing spree. Add in some gangsters and that’s pretty much your story line.

 

Sharknado
Brought to you by the same people who created Mega Shark, this movie features the tag line “Enough Said,” and that’s correct — here we’ve got a tornado made of sharks. After a big hurricane (?!) hits Los Angeles, a tornado sucks up countless thousands of sharks from the ocean and proceeds to dump them around the city, where they kill people in crazy scenes featuring terrible CGI. Think of it as a survival horror with sharks instead of zombies. (Maybe we can expect zombie shark movies soon, The Swimming Dead perhaps. You heard it here first!) The scenarios in the film are all pretty crazy but it’s by far the most enjoyable of the five, ironically or not.

What are your favorite terrible dive movies? Add them to our list!

 

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